hysteria
by electronaholic
Summary: A suicidal, a struggling brother trying to be responsible and a hauntingly familiar red brick pathway that leads to a drug rehab. What else? Prom? Slight KadajxYazoo. AU. Please RnR.
1. Chapter 1

**hysteria.  
**Kadaj/Yazoo.  
I do not own FF:AC.  
**Notification: **Implied yaoi, harsh language, drug use, sexual references. If you dislike yaoi, please don't read. Also, this fic is a bit AU, being set in modern times (ex., our time, today).

* * *

_Kadaj._

When I went to the hospital, it wasn't like anything I saw in the movies or TV shows. I expected doctors and nurses in white coats and the hats that have red crosses on them scurrying around and shouting things at each other. Instead, when I got to the hospital, their wasn't really anyone anywhere. All I remember was being pushed on this flat, bedded cart down a long white hallway, sad faced nurses tending to old men in wheelchairs who were obviously gonna die anyway, and a doctor looking over me saying, "Everything's ok, everything's alright."

It wasn't what I thought it was going to be like in my mind. A hospital. Busy, shouting, nice looking nurses. No, it was nothing like I imagined. It was disgusting, bland, horrible, putrid smelling.

* * *

_Yazoo._

It's the 4th time he tried to kill himself. Kadaj. He tried to inject himself with some sort of rat poisoning or whatever. When I found him, he was on the floor, scarcely breathing. He was barely alive when we brought him here to the hospital. I can't take my eyes off him anymore. I'm afraid he might slit his wrists open or hang himself or jump off a bridge. I don't even know why he tries to kill himself. Hell, I don't even know what his favorite color is. I sometimes even mix up his ages. _"Kadaj, your 13 right?" "I'm 15, Yazoo." _Even though we live together and are brothers, we're so distant. And ever since our oldest brother Loz died in a train crash, that distance between us became bigger, wider.

When the doctor walks up to me he says, "Don't worry, Kadaj'll be okay." Then he smiles that smile that every doctor has on their face. A smile that says, _"I do care for your loved one's life, but I have better things to be attending to." _

I nod weakly to the doctor, but don't smile. Of course Kadaj won't be okay. When the doctor walked away, I felt like I was in some sort of dramatic, melancholy movie that would be in French about a young man and his younger brother. The movie would be about the wrongs and complicated problems they both go through. And then, out of nowhere in the end...everything turns out wonderful. I wish that was what my life was like. Just like a movie.

My eyes feel like their going to swell, and I can taste the familiar salty liquid that runs down my face.

* * *

_Kadaj._

He's crying again. Even though his back is facing me and he's leaning against the glass that separates us, I can tell by the way his shoulder's are shaking slightly, how he's running both of his hands through his hair. When we were children, I remember him always mocking me saying, _"Don't cry Kadaj." _He said it in a very calm, very serene voice. Sexy almost. He always taunted both me and Loz to no end, until Loz ended up hitting him in the head with something. I sometimes wonder if those experiences my brothers and I had, ever existed at all.

I don't know why I keep attempting to destroy my body. But whenever Yazoo finds me half dead on the floor, possibly bleeding, the way he starts freaking out...makes me feel more loved. It's funny how he immediately picks up the phone, calling 911. He has that number on speed-dial I think. I'm already aware that I'm hurting myself. And the people around me. But it seems like that's the only way I can ever feel cared for.

The eerie silence in the room makes me feel like a deaf. All I can hear is the sounds of my heartbeat beeping.

* * *

**_A/N:_ Please review and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism please! Thank you. **


	2. Chapter 2

**hysteria.  
**Chapt. 2 _  
**(QUESTION!)** _Should I up the rating of this fic because of language? I think I should...Please gimme your opinion!

* * *

_Yazoo._

There's a slow, cool wind blowing around. A dock is behind the building I work at, and there's always ships and boats passing through the huge river that separates this part of town from the other. I cough a bit from the smoke I'm inhaling and lean my body against a telephone pole. And think. It happens fast. One minute I'm in the hospital bawling my eyes out, the next I'm outside of my job on lunch break smoking a cigarette. In this week are the last days that Kadaj will be in school. He'll be in rehab over the summer. I think it's completely ridiculous that I'm being forced to send him to some stupid confined prison. But, what can I do anyways?

_"Hey, mind sharing a smoke?"_ The voice of a familiar redhead suddenly kicks in. And there he is. The aloof walking, teasing, aggravating co-worker I usually call my "friend".

I take out a second cigarette and hand it to him. He sticks it in his mouth and I light it for him. "Thanks, yeah." I nod in return and he looks out onto the docks behind us. Inhaling, exhaling smoke. _"Your brother's doing alright." _He didn't even say it in a question. He said it casually as if the part where my brother wanted to kill himself got cut out of life. Exhaling. Sky, clouds. Reno says, _"Yeah, he's doing alright." _

"HE'S DOING FUCKING FINE!"

* * *

_Kadaj. _

_"Hahahhaa...!"_ Zack laughed out of nowhere, almost choking on his cigarette, Cloud came out of the bathroom stall still zipping up his pants. We're skipping English class, trying to escape Mr. Vincent, the vampire looking teacher that has over half of all the female students swooning over him. These are the two other class idiots I hang out with. Zack, the alcoholic with an alcoholic father. Cloud, the pot addicted depressive who hasn't said a full sentence ever since his beloved girlfriend moved 4000 miles away. Then me. The suicidal loser who usually gets beaten up in gym class.

It's been the same ever since the beginning of our Sophomore year. Hiding away in the boy's bathroom that's nearby a janitor's closet, sneaking in cigarettes and pot, getting high, drinking and laughing like crazy while the other students above us study hard with all their high hopes and dreams for being successful. That's just not us. Now, it's the end of the year, and all of us are passing through by copying other student's homework and acting nice with the teachers. By hearing all this, you may think all this is the reason why I always have the craving to destroy myself. Well, you're wrong. This isn't the answer you want.

The bathroom smells of unhealthy lung killing air and slight vodka. We're all really silent until Zack brings up the subject.

_"Wanna burn down the school during the end of the year dance?" _

Zack is always the one to make up ludicrous plans.

_

* * *

Yazoo. _

"Yazoo, I'm going to a dance thing or whatever next Wednesday."

I almost choked on my wine when he said that. "Wh-what? You serious...!?"

Kadaj looked up at me from the book he was reading, with his angry eyes and pouty lips. Jeez, how cute.

"Yeah, of course I'm serious. Why would I not be?"  
"Well, you don't seem to be like the person to go to prom..."  
"Neither do you."  
"Well..."

The brother of mine shut his book loudly and frowned, standing from his spot at the dinner table. "Well what? Look, just because I contemplate on killing myself 24/7 doesn't mean it strips me of the choice of going to the 'dance'."

Good Jenova, it always hurts like hell whenever you're younger brother disses you. However, in a attempt to defend myself...

"But..."  
"I'm going to my room."

So, I sit for the rest of the night, drinking my wine and smoking through at least 3 packs of lungkillers.

* * *

**-END; CHAPT. 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**chapt.3  
_(NOTES!) _**If you don't know what a molotov cocktail, or a molotov bomb is, look it up on Wikipedia . com  
And no, their not alcoholic beverages. :D**

* * *

Yazoo. **

His eyes are frightning and obscure whenever they stare at me. I try to stay calm as he keeps glancing up at me while biting into his toast. But theres something gnawing at the inside of my organs, wanting me to scream. Uncomfortable tingles are forcing their way down my spine, and I'm trying so hard to not cringe my back.

"Wh-what...?", I try to say, the cigerette between my fingers shivers. I see a crooked form adorn his lips slowly, then it disappeared as he slipped his backpack over his shoulder.

"Nothing...", The smile's gone, but he keeps looking at me.

When I hear the apartment door close, and his feet walking away, relief flows through my body. I look at my body and notice I'm shaking.

* * *

**Kadaj. **

I feel irritated, angry and horny while I walk throughout school like a complete zombie. I'm tired of observing Yazoo every day and not violently raping him. I almost got an erection just staring at him smoke this morning. I actually want to jack off right now. When I enter the abandoned bathroom Cloud's carefully making molotov cocktails, while Zack's sitting in the sink, smoking and shit. When Zack sees me he smiles. "Sup with you? You look like your about to rip off someone's lips."

I shake my head and watch Cloud make his bombs. He looks directly into my eyes, this melancholic, worried look. I hate it when he does that. It always pisses me off for some reason. It's like he can see right through me, all my problems, all my troubles. And he never says anything either. It gets me more angry. I smack him on the head with my notebook and kick one of the explosives he was constructing, sending it fly and crashing against the wall. broken glass spattered underneath the bathroom stalls and sinks. Cloud glared at me but I just shrugged my shoulders and sat on the ground next to the trashcan.

A fog of nicotine covered the room. The dance is tommorow, but no one's really that excited.

"You gonna kill yourself in front of everyone?"

Zach asked the question and I just started laughing.

"Good idea man."

Then, the creeping feeling of masochistic self abuse starts to creep in again...

* * *

**Yazoo. **

The sky is relatively gray and depressed. Today felt like a month, carrying on sluggishly and tired. I'm humid, and my skin is sticky and my body uncomfortable. I haven't gone to work, called in sick. I keep thinking about Kadaj's eyes and how they kept staring at me. Starry, melancholic, eyes. My lungs must me black and my liver must be dying from the alcohol and the nicotine. Absolutely disgusting.

_Ring. Ring. _

I ignore the phone for a moment, but the stinging sound bothered by brain. "Hello?"

"This is Mrs. Atsuko, the Principle of Midgar High School? I called to ask why Kadaj has never been present for most of his classes for most of the school day. Is there anything else wrongn with hi-"

I hang up the phone before she can say anything else, taking a long drag from my cigerette. The responsibilty and thoughts that I'm supposed to have suddenly drain away from my mind. "What a _bitch_."

* * *

**END. - chapt.3**

**A/N: **Sorry it took so long for me to update. Anyways, please review and tell me if I need to improve anything! Please, **constructive criticism**!


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